Gay Ghost

My house is haunted by a gay ghost,
my ass bleeds when I drop the soap.
My channels change to watch The View,
and my Stetson cologne smells of J Crew.
I put in the fridge some cupcake snacks
and open it up to yogurt packs.
My hairbrush smells like Vaseline
and my venetian blinds are always clean.
My dress shoes developed pointy toes,
my dryer couldn't have shrunk all my clothes.
My homepage changed to Oprah.com
And pink flamingos reside on my lawn.

So I hired a priest to clear out my house,
but they locked the door and won't come out.