NEW SITE

It's here!
http://www.imcoolyourenot.com

New info

I haven't forgot about the fans. In fact, I love them so much I have been secretly purchasing webhosting elsewhere and am almost done developing an amazing new site that I am positive will be even more shittier than this one. Expect the new site in one weeks time.

Gay Ghost

My house is haunted by a gay ghost,
my ass bleeds when I drop the soap.
My channels change to watch The View,
and my Stetson cologne smells of J Crew.
I put in the fridge some cupcake snacks
and open it up to yogurt packs.
My hairbrush smells like Vaseline
and my venetian blinds are always clean.
My dress shoes developed pointy toes,
my dryer couldn't have shrunk all my clothes.
My homepage changed to Oprah.com
And pink flamingos reside on my lawn.

So I hired a priest to clear out my house,
but they locked the door and won't come out.

Sauna

I went to the gym
and decided to spend
time sweating in the sauna.

Then in walked a kid
and he laughed at my dick
so I beat his ass like Rihanna.

Crying Baby

Crying baby,
give it a shake.
Crying baby,
drive it in a lake.
Crying baby,
lock it in the car.
Crying baby,
throw it real far.
Crying baby,
drop it on the floor.
Crying baby,
toss out on I4.
Crying baby,
drown it in the tub.
Crying baby,
put it in the dump.
It's a good thing
I watch the news
for parenting tips
and baby how-to's.

Cheerleading

Cheerleading is a sport.
Just shitting you, no it's not.
Anyone can yell and clap,
so just sit there and look hot.

Jobs

Beat your wife?
Train for cop.
Like blow jobs?
Learn to rock.

Like boys?
Start a church.
Enjoy corruption?
Put country first.

Want herpes?
Strip at a club.
Enjoy taxis?
Blow shit up.

Don't like sex?
Get an Xbox.
Never heard of sex?
Manage Gamestop.

Enjoy steroids?
Pick up a bat.
Kill your wife?
Try runningback.

Love money?
Become a Jew.
Hate blacks, babies, gays, fairness, fun, freedom, porn, and the world?
Anchor Fox News.

Poor

Two dollars for bottled water.
Four per can of air,
Three dollars spent on ice.
This all hardly seems fair.

I pay for all this free shit
and now I can't afford
the fifty dollars it costs
on a handjob from a whore.

Biography

I just wrote my biography
and its only one page long
it says "I did everything in life,
including fucking your mom."